I've been through the entire emotional lifecycle in the last couple weeks. I think Thursday into Friday was the worst. It was like the ultimate pit of despair.
I woke up feeling sick - except that I don't even think I can honestly call it "morning sickness" because I feel it was actually physical manifestation of anxiety.
To catch everything up to speed, here's my beta breakdown so far; including as much "lingo" as possible so I have it logged for future reference:
"4 WEEKS + 0 DAYS"
9dp5dt ..(aka 14dpo)HCG: 110
Progesterone: 13
Estrogen: 100
"4 WEEKS + 3 DAYS"
12dp5dt ..(aka 17dpo)HCG: 591
Progesterone: 30
Estrogen: 314
"5 WEEKS + 3 DAYS"
19dp5dt ..(aka 24dpo)HCG: 7794
Progesterone: 26
Estrogen: 226
I have my next beta on Monday. I asked how many I am supposed to have, and as long as I am on medications, they watch my values to see if I need "tweaking".. makes sense. So, until I am weaned off the medication, I will be going (seems like it randomly fell on Mondays for me).
In between my nerve-wracking betas, I've been anxiously peeing on all the sicks. It has a weird way of holding me over until I know for sure (from the next set of labs) that everything is still progressing normally. I have a nice little progression here:
My tests have since graduated from "Progression" into what the online community calls "Dye Stealers" where my result line is so dark, it leaves almost no dye left for the test line.. here's a pic of a couple of my Dye Stealers:
Never in my life have I ever experienced this. I wish I could say it gave me substantial confidence, but it really didn't. When you have lived -literally- your entire adult life traumatized over/and aware of your infertility issues (thanks, Childhood Cancer!), there's really nothing that can boost you .. I suspect until the baby is earthside, in arms