I started this post before getting my "Update" game plan together. So I guess I'll just jump right in.
C O U N S E L O R
Significant Otter and I had our wonderful meeting with the psychologist. Not sarcastic, she truly was amazing and I loved the session. She herself has (fraternal) twin daughters using an Egg Donor - so she has first hand knowledge of how the dynamic can be. It was reassuring and informative and I wouldn't hesitate to return (and I most likely will).
I have a personal backstory of serious health issues. I am a Pediatric Ovarian Cancer survivor. Like, Whoa! Right? Before I ever hit puberty, I was surrounded by updates about my health being put on blast (thank god it was before Facebook existed). As an Adult, I'm capable of understanding when someone has a very real could-potentially-be-terminal diagnosis, "updating the family" is kind of a given. I can't fault my parents for literally updating the family (grandparents/aunts/uncles/etc) on my prognosis, or even peripheral aspects. (it's still terribly horrifying for a 12yo to realize everyone knows you started your period.)
The issue arises from how I internalized this experience as a tween/ teen/ and young adult. I felt like I had this constant cloud of being "On Display" and had no privacy. In response, I grew into a fiercely private adult. I was struggling with how to deal -in regards to revealing information- about having to use an Egg Donor. We have a self-designated Genealogy/Family Tree "expert" (and she's very hardcore) and I've already felt suffocated into having to tell my story to ward off explanation. I'm still bracing for the inevitable follow-up questions concerning my past & how it's effected my fertility and/or struggles. We've agree to share the IVF portion, since that's not really far-fetched; but the Donor aspect is 100% a private matter.
I didn't know where to start - honestly, because this wasn't even going to be so much about me anymore. I'm picturing myself protecting my baby from the judgements of others. I don't want that for them. I don't want them feeling like "everyone knows this very private thing about me" and especially wanting to shield them from thoughts along "why??"
Cutting to the overall lesson: We owe nothing to anyone. Specifically for me, I needed to hear that NO ONE is "owed" information. Realistically, the only one who is deserving of the Egg Donor info, is our future baby - and that is more of a Societal Standard (with services like 23&Me, Ancestry.com, etc) its increasingly impossible to keep this kind of "Family Secret". Disclosure was never an option with Otter and myself - we were always going to disclose to them How They Came To Be. It was SO helpful having the guidance on age-appropriate ways and milestones to help navigate this. This will be their story to tell, should they want to - we will not do it "preemptively." We just need to impress upon them that in order to ward off unwanted meddling or drama, we all need to STAY THE FUCK OFF Genealogy Registries. For a million other reasons, too.
M A M M O
I had my "follow up" baseline Mammo on Tuesday, July 12th. I knew before leaving the clinic what the results were because they literally send the images over to the Radiologist before you leave (in case they need any more images) and to prevent me from having to come back yet again next week.
Well, supposedly.
So, since I happen to speak the same native tongue as the Radiologist (because of work) I understood the results were interpreted as being completely benign. Yay, Team! Privy to this particular dialogue, I reiterated a couple of insanely specific questions, while knowing ultimately the final say was up to my Fertility Doctor. The Radiologist recommended a 6 month follow-up, only to verify the "dense breast tissue" remained unchanged. I was, like, super disgruntled for probably 5 minutes. And then made myself internally chant that my Fertility Doctor would be satisfied to continue and surely he wouldn't make me wait.
UGH. Au Contraire! It took a week for my phone call to come back, and ..... *deep breath* ... they did want to wait for the follow up.
All is not lost though. In the week I was forced to endure waiting to hear back (lol), I ended up "giving it to God" and reminding myself that this entire CATEGORY (and everything associated with it) - is not one that can be forced. Not trying to thump a bible, but you literally can't force this one. It's truly up to GOD. Or the Cosmos. Or Allah. Or a shooting star. Or Mother Earth.. or whatever deity you put your faith into. So, I allowed myself to adjust to the possibility Fertility Doc might make me wait. And I dropped the attitude... and realized I could embrace the extra time to do a few more things I've been meaning to.
Waiting for the follow up IS, in fact, what he decided to do. However, we will be doing everything else leading up to the Frozen Embryo Transfer. Which, I feel is turning out to be the best possible scenario anyway. There's a list of things we will need to have arranged, all of which are somewhat time-consuming. So I don't actually feel like I'm losing much time.
T I M E L I N E
August | September | October | November | December
[1] APPROX 2 WEEKS (?) The snail-pace back & forth of emails and signing documentation for acquiring the Donor Eggs (seems like you can't legally call this a "purchase.") This puts us into August.
[2] APPROX 2 - 3 WEEKS Arranging the CryoStork shipping. Minimum is 2 weeks +/- weekends unless you plan to "Rush Order"... which we are not. This is roughly the last week in August before official Pick-Up for transport.
[3] MID-SEPTEMBER Tentatively planning on the initial Egg Thaw for Embryo Creation. There is about a month of more waiting: ICSI procedure, embryo culture/hatching, PGT-A Testing/Embryo Biopsy results. This gets us into approximately mid-October. I also have a Girl's Trip through "New England in Fall" to help funnel some energy.
[4] MID-OCTOBER/ NOVEMBER Honestly, not a lot planned for this time span - I've mentally reserved this time just in case there are any concerns with embryos - worst case scenario: plenty of time to order more if none take - its one of the silver linings that have dawned on me. Otter's family likes to visit in November to celebrate his birthday. So, we will have distractions.
[5] NOVEMBER - DECEMBER We will start trying "Mock Cycles" and possibly starting medications. My follow-up Mammo appointment is set for January 6th, 2023. Once that is completed - its GO TIME!
