SUMMARY: I am currently waiting to hear back from a job that I have applied to, and already interviewed for.
I know, I know. To my poor blog here, its completely left field. I was a bit preoccupied over the last year with building a house ... and to be honest, the job situation started as a slow build - until it decided to go full throttle and I had to make some serious decisions.
BACKSTORY: If you've poked around under the "Author" tab of my blog, and made it far enough to read my blurb about work and what I do, it's filled with some blatant remarks about me being a workaholic, short staffing, and a non-innuendo (cause I pretty much openly state it) about working 2 shifts at my current hospital. Well, I wrote that a couple years ago now... and to be honest, not much has changed, except for the fact that it turned very toxic very fast.
PART ONEJune through September
When we were super short staffed, there was [seemingly] a lot of bonding that took place. From my perspective, I felt there was a lot of "stepping up" and volunteering for extra shifts because I believed there was a mutual mindset of we are a team, let's share the load. During the time of being insanely short staffed, we did pick up and use some PRN/Temp people. Now, the pro/con with using the PRN Pool is that they generally get to cherry pick their shifts. A lot of people purposely live in the PRN lifestyle because they aren't worried about insurance (they have it through a spouse or through the VA, etc) and as lucky as they are, can afford to work as little as they please. There are some who will float around and try to find the most cush place to post up so they can get paid maximum dollar for minimal work. Then, there are some who just have no idea what they are doing and I'm terrified for everyone's health in general when they are present.
Trust me when I say we went through a LOT of PRNs over the last few years. There was a couple that had potential and then even ONE who we believed was "decent enough" to get them to come on full time. [JF] had mentioned he wanted to get away from the PRN administration due to some "issues" he was having with the scheduling woman but he never really went into detail of what the issues were. The talk of him trying to come to our location started circulating around June of last year.. and then he fell off the face of the planet until September. From my own nosey probing, it seemed he had to get out of the PRN system and go through the application process for our site.
I get it, that crap can take forever. The "why" is beyond me. Anyway, fast forward to around September, and things start swirling around that he's going to be coming back. None of the current staff really knew where he was going to fit into the schedule (since technically each Full Time slot was already filled) - and due to lack of communication from management, we were left to toss around all kinds of speculative ideas. I was truly under the impression he was going to be a part-time or supplemental tech during the shifts where we were exceptionally busy.
Now, I was surprised - but not enraged (like a couple of my coworkers were) when we finally learned where [JF] would be "fitting in." Not only did they create a whole new position (somewhat understandable) but it was one of those Unicorn Shifts that someone usually has to DIE before you can get the opportunity to get. He would be working 4 days a week, 10am - 8:30pm, non-weekends. I was more frustrated because I didn't quite understand why they had him in a spot that already had adequate coverage. We needed more help elsewhere. I was miffed, but in trying to be as fair as possible, I kept saying I'm "glad I didn't have to make the scheduling decision since there's no way to make everyone happy."
My coworkers though... There was almost a revolt. The general consensus was that a shift like that should have been offered internally first, based on seniority, and then the new guy would get the newly opened shift (where ever that hole would be). I agreed. I wasn't as outraged as some of my coworkers because this new shift closely resembled my current shift, so my perspective was completely different. However, we had two wonderful, 20-something girls running the overnights. One ran the weekdays, the other ran the weekends. A shift like that would greatly change their home lives.... something they both would have loved to have gotten.
I really tried keeping a level head about it all... and kept clinging to attempts at offering my management Grace by saying things like "You can't rip up the foundation when you're trying to build your 2nd story." This translates to: We are currently a hospital with 1 tech on at all times. Our hospital workload is at the point where we actually need to have 2 techs at all times, but in order to do that, we can't keep having holes in critical spots. I was grasping at straws to stay balanced but I was honestly more empathetic to my coworkers.
PART TWOSeptember through November
Once its official and the job posting is live (even though its already filled) and we know this guy has a Start Date............ [AM], our Weekday Overnight tech turns in her notice. Out of everyone in the department, she was the one they kicked in the face the most with their handling of the situation. In the chain of command, once past me, she is the one who had the appropriate amount of Seniority combined with the desire to have that shift.
She took it incredibly personal... and she's allowed to. Ever since she started at this hospital (in another dept) she's been on overnights. For YEARS. She was owed the opportunity to get out from being a night worker and instead they acted on secrecy and shadiness. They chose what was easy, not what was right. The universal opinion of everyone who found out she was quitting, was "she has no business wasting her 20s on overnights." I had overlap with her in the evenings when she'd come in to relieve me, and I knew it was extremely hard for her to even try dating.
So, now there was a mass "scramble" trying to figure out how to fix this new problem of having an overnight position suddenly vacant. I was trying to stay as out-of-it as possible. I had just come off a really hard schedule flip helping cover 2 people going out on vacation at the same time. The first few days were again filled with hushed whispers about who was going to do it. [KC], our weekend overnight girl, expressed interest since it would move her OFF weekends. While it would still be overnights, at least she'd have weekends off with her husband. For her, it was a baby step in the right direction. There was also chatter about some of the PRNs being able to fill in... but when it came down to it.......
They decided to move [KC] to weekday overnights... and imagine my surprise when they tagged ME for the weekEND overnights. I tried nicely to decline. This was quickly moving toward October and also correlating with literally the month before I'm supposed to close on my house. I told them repeatedly that I really couldn't... the mortgage people would be doing another fine-tooth combing of my employment, credit, paystubs (etc) and I couldn't jeopardize anything.
They didn't take "no" for an answer. Instead, I am essentially black mailed with statements in the form of "if you don't, we will lose our weekend coverage which means [RO] & [BB] will lose their backup..." (amongst other things) essentially giving me no option but to "Take One For The Team" in spite of my repeated attempts of saying NO with legitimate personal reasons.
The entire scenario was terrible... 4 times -- FOUR TIMES -- I was yanked into an unused xray room in between patients to be pitched another threatening scenario. By the 4th attempt, I was so worked up and pissed off about being strong-armed I did actually cry. When I had to return to my normal working room, and obvious to everyone in there that I was crying, I made a couple statements like "I don't know what to do about this, I've never been in this situation before..... do I go to HR??"
I. Was. Furious.
Fucking. Furious.
Side Note: One of the ideas that was kindly offered from a coworker was to see if they would put it in writing that this was a temporary agreement and that I would be returning to my normal schedule no later than October 31st. This way I would have documentation for the mortgage company if they had any questions. I sent an email doing this very thing - the email was ignored and when I brought my nicely type letter for the manager to sign, they refused. I was given some kind of explanation about a "Personal Policy" of refusing to sign things like that because "all sorts of things could change between now and then."
In the end, I did it. The psychological damage was done but they tried back-peddling and offering me statements like "this is it through the end of the year! We promise! We won't make you work Thanksgiving or Christmas." ....(which ended up being a lie, because I did have to work Christmas but that's a whole separate story.)
When I finally came back from the month-long overnight banishment... I was greeted with a Write Up.
Yup. More than a month after the "incident" even happened.
That tear-filled plea, seeking advice from coworkers was apparently "toxic" and made one particular Platinum Mole-Bitch coworker feel "uncomfortable" and I was officially written up for "MOOD SWINGS." So, my management in their true colors tradition, instead of understanding the fucking situation of me building and buying my first house (and how super stressful it is all by itself, MUCH LESS with a management trying to fuck around with you at the same time), they cracked a whip to get me back "in line." You do not get to mention "HR" without expecting a noose to tighten around your neck. Our manager does not like threats of HR.
Look, I'm not a problem child at work. I respect authority, and it generally only takes a "stern look" to get me back in shape if I'm misbehavin' (in a sincere, "we're-a-family" type of way). We joke, we sass, but I would never say these behaviors are at the expense of patient care. The write up was unneeded and honestly, completely out-of-line. They should've let it go for fuck's sake.
Slowly the initial shock of their audacity wore off and realizing the sad state of my situation was coming into focus: I needed out of this place. But there was no way I'd be able to escape managements clutches without being unjustly Black-Listed from the hospital network and when I say that, I mean nationally, its a HUGE network of hospitals (even if she's done it illegally and claimed it was a clerical error, there have been known instances of this manager putting
[REHIRE ELIGIBLE: NO]
in people's file) - and I know I'm a damn good employee and refuse to let that happen to me ... so I reached out to a previous coworker [AD] that had jumped ship over the same type of managerial issues and moved to a different department a few years ago... (related career/ same hospital/ different management). I briefly explained the situation and that I was wanting out, that I didn't want to leave my home base, but the toxicity was really getting out of control. She knew exactly the dynamic I was referring to, but there were no openings in their department at that time.
So, I shook it off, not internally (fuck no, I was NEVER going to forget that bullshit) but made a point to STOP vocalizing anything about it. I would keep my head down, bide my time, knowing full well that I was just timing my jump... Ironically, it was easier to keep on trucking because there was plenty of other drama to distract me...
PART THREEDecember into January
This part really doesn't "involve" me aside from the fact I was simply doing my part as being an empathetic/ open door/good listener to the distress and venting of another coworker. Much unlike the Platinum Mole-Bitch that said I was being "toxic," I understand the dynamic of simply being a good listener for people who work in a similar environment and may have insights that you don't.
In this situation, I was watching/listening to see how things played out in [RW's] drama because since I could relate so well to "reaching your limit" with management, it was honestly just reassuring to know the issue was rampant through the department and not just me. My little [KC] also had her own unpleasantries brewing too, but not as bad as [RW].
What I already knew (and was still seeing) was that there is an overt culture of fear perpetuated in this department from management. You can't have a differing view or opinion, can't "go against the grain" of what they deem appropriate, or stand up for yourself without being "targeted" and then having to put up with a barrage of nit-picking, suffocating micromanaging, or being questioned left & right. A favored tactic of management (we learned by sharing experiences) is that they will alienate you by listing off a (false) list of names that include pretty much the entire department saying you are the problem and they've all complained about you, yet you get no details of what the complaints were for so that you may clarify or, at best, offer a rebuttal if anything actually panned out. I experienced it personally and it completely corroborated [RWs] experience also.
It is an isolating, gaslighting, abusive tactic that makes you feel you can trust no one, including coworkers that you are friends with outside of work - because those "friends" were also mentioned in the laundry list of complainants. You are left wondering why these friends felt they couldn't come to you - even with the rapport you've built over the years - if these complaints were true.
At this point, just hearing all the bullshit still going on, not just with [RW] but with staff on weekends, the fact that [JF] ended up being a lazy piece of shit once he started (he didn't have to impress anyone once he got hired), the fact I was being left stranded every single day, my team lead leaving my "SOS" text messages on read - no response. Being ghosted when I had legitimate concerns... even to the point I l.i.t.e.r.a.l.l.y said to my lead "I AM DOING WHAT YOU WISHED [AM] HAD DONE, AND THAT'S TELLING YOU BEFORE ITS BAD ENOUGH TO LEAVE. I AM GIVING YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO FIX THIS." and I still got nothing.
So I resolved myself to using their preferred method of "laundry listing." I started documenting in my email. I have screen shots and brief summaries of times, names, and the issue. Complaints from other departments against [JF], screen shots of the horrible trauma worklist he leaves me with (so he can cut out early). It dawned on me that I should not be having to do this... that my repeated SOS to management should suffice... that the problems I was mentioning, ironically, were happening across all the shifts he worked, even when it was not with me.
This motherfucker was single handedly ruining the department (with managements help) due to their constant inaction. None of us could figure it out (us= the rest of the department that had all separately mentioned his horrible work ethic). The last straw for me was when they said they were going to be changing up the work schedule again....
PART FOURJanuary into February
I had just been trying to keep my head down. After the whole "overnight" debacle, I didn't want to get involved. I was actively trying to get back OUT of the crosshairs, and I knew management had a crap-ton of HR stuff going on between [RW]... who ended up getting fired, and the weekender's HR drama (who also quit). At this point, [KC] is pregnant, and we all know she's due in July. So when the team lead calls a quick afternoon meeting with everyone who happened to be present at the moment, she was addressing some schedule changing.
We all get handed a calendar. Her favorite [WE] has no changes. [JFs] hours are coming in earlier, and staying later, with a partial shift on Fridays. My hours get pushed back 4pm- 2am. I am immediately not okay with the schedule, but seeing [JF] start freaking the fuck out next to me, I try to play it cool.
It almost felt like this was a tester-schedule to see what may work. The vibe in the room did feel like it was a "temporary" arrangement, even though it was never stated. Interpreting it as so may have been my own fault, and it may very well have been a permanent thing. We never got to clarify because all I managed to get out was "...if this causes friction with home life-"
and I was immediately cut off with a "THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HOME LIFE, THIS IS WORK LIFE." and......... I just shut down. I said nothing else. Meanwhile [JF] jumps up and is feverishly penciling alternatives on a paper and trying to show it to the lead, all happy with his speedy handiwork. In the end, he got none of the alternative he jotted down. In the end, the lead lost another tech that day.
That was the last time I let the lead speak to me like that. I made the decision right then and there, that I was done.... and I had to be GONE by the time [KC] had her baby or I was going to be in the exact same situation as I was in October. I was NOT going to let them disrespect me, my home life, or my career - ANYMORE.
The lead was right, it was Work Life.... but that shit directly effected my Home Life. How dare you think you can speak to me that way.
Back when I first took interest in this hospital, it was because it was DAY shift. I am not one that can operate normally or healthily on an overnight position. I have struggled with Mental Health issues in the past and I'll be damned if "Bad Management" backs me into a corner where I don't open my windows or blinds, I'm sleeping all day, and have a crippled (aka NO) social life outside of work. I refuse to let these assholes turn me into a hermit. The 4pm- 2am shift was hard enough to get used to and its HELL on a diet and staying on track with good dietary habits. I have to be my own advocate.. and that day, I decided their Bullying Days are OVER. Literally my health was suffering at this point.
PART FIVEMarch through May
As the saying goes, I gave it the old college try. I tried to go all "ZEN" about shit and keep pushing through, just to keep my sanity during all this.. and while I scoured Indeed for jobs. I even put in an application at a Free Standing clinic that [RO] works at on his days off from the hospital. But I still had that "accidental Black Listing" scenario haunting me. I was consumed with refusing to let her fuck me over like that.
Coming in at 4pm took me out of the timeframe to do any outpatients, any special procedures, I was also missing all communication with management (our Team Huddle is at 3pm) and I was just growing more and more bitter by the day. This scheduling bullshit was now starting to throttle the exposure I needed for my career. That was the ultimate mind fuck. I was so livid.
Even though [KC] and I really did bond immensely over the next few months, we couldn't deny that the shift in scheduling was only putting me that much closer to being an overnighter. I just knew in my BONES that they were gearing up to make me [KCs] overnight fill-in when she goes out on maternity leave. I was growing more and more stressed about how I was going to say "No" but then not have a choice in the matter and how that was gonna go over and how much wrath I'd feel in the end.
During this time, our lazy fuck [JF] is screaming at the top of his lungs how excited he is to have a job interview for X, Y, & Z. (no really, he had been spamming all the jobs on the hospital intranet) but time goes by and unfortunately, he is still plaguing us. No one wants this guy......
However, the cosmos decided to call ME back instead.
It was [AD] my fucking angel. She told me (as soon as she got confirmation) that a job opening was about to go live in the next week or so and to have my resume ready. From that moment, we were pretty much communicating every other day or so. I officially submitted my application on April 24th and my interview was on Friday May 14th.
I said nothing for a good week. Scared to death and not wanting to jinx anything. Then, the more I thought about it, I slowly started mentioning it to [KC] and [RO] as a "Keep it DL" but if you are interested in my hours (or an evening-style shift), I'm looking into changing jobs.
I made sure they knew nothing was official, that this was barely in the "throwing around ideas" stage. I stressed that I was just trying to be transparent & fair to them, and wanted them simply think about it.. talk with your significant other... have a good idea if its something you'd be interested in - because you know DAMN WELL that management is going to drop it in your lap and give you "10 minutes to decide"... (#facts, its literally a actual experience [KC] and I went through).
PART SIXMay into June
I didn't tell everyone about my job application. I was very particular. And a few weeks after I applied (right before the listing was set to expire), lo-and-behold, there ended up being a 2nd person who applied for the same position - FROM MY EXACT SAME DEPT. It was the department favorite [WE].
I just about DIED of shock when he bounced into work that Monday, openly admitting he applied and was nervous but excited and just went on and on about how he'd considered it for a really long time and thought "Why Not?" He applied Sunday night and immediately emailed the Lead and the Dept Manager that Monday morning to let them know. Me? I specifically chose not to do this because of my fear of retaliation. I didn't want them knowing I was looking to bail, then screw me over with schedule changes or nit-picking me to death as punishment.
He was so excited. Oddly so, in fact. And the most interesting part was.. everyone he'd tell, was told in a manner that had overly confident I'm leaving undertones. Like, the application is simply a "formality" thing but that the job was already his. This killed me inside. A LOT. I was blindsided by the fact he applied. Can't lie, I did have a head's up: I got a text from [AD] saying they had received another application and if I knew who it was yet (she's over there laughing) I'm over here guessing everyone BUT him --- because he's the favorite, with the best hours.. why would he want to leave? Once I realized it was him, I started internally panicking.
1) he also is a great tech.
2) he also knows [AD].
3) he also claims the CathLab has tried poaching him in the past.
1) he also is a great tech.
2) he also knows [AD].
3) he also claims the CathLab has tried poaching him in the past.
I kept all my responses to [AD] as Kosher as possible. At this point, I realize psychological warfare was about to go down. She knows us both; We are the 2 most veteran techs in our current department; While completely different work styles, we are both amazing (albeit definitely unique in separate ways).
Separately, this opened a whole 'nother level of Atomic WFT.. like.. WHAT THE FUCK was the department going to do if we both left??
Legit, I couldn't read the room anymore. I was paralyzed realizing who my competition was. I couldn't even self-comfort my anxiety anymore because this scenario obliterated my tactics. AND..... I couldn't even be mad at him. He hadn't applied out of spite - he didn't even know I applied. Which mad me a little sad, because in my heart I knew why he applied. The bullshit had finally gotten to him too. [JF] (and the destruction he was causing across all shift with management) had finally made [WE] want to leave - course he'd never admit it.
Eventually, and after swearing him to secrecy, I did admit to him I had applied also. I gave him a few minutes to process, then I could tell he was having the same Atomic WTF reactions that I was. I explained how I was definitely not nearly as confident as he was about the whole thing and that why I was staying so Hush-Hush about it. He gave me his word he wouldn't say anything (and he didn't, as I found out later in this story).