I finally managed to get myself in for a massage.
I kept trying to get in to one that is right around the corner from me, but they were always booked. So, I got online and started looking at reviews. Eventually, I decided to try my luck with Elements Massage. It's not nearly as close as the other one, but I was able to get in the next day. Plus they take appointments until 9pm. WTF! That's crazy late, but it works! Especially for someone like myself who works 2nd shift.
I wanted to see how my first session actually went before I considered a membership. I've heard these massage places can be just as bad a gym when it comes to the fine print. Oddly, that exact reputation must be what they are desperate to shake -- because this is literally the least restricted type of membership I've ever experienced, personally.
There isn't even a fee to sign up. Literally, the only difference is you simply sign an Auto Draft paper to be considered a "member." Once a month fee, at a discounted rate, no other hidden fees. This gets me a discounted massage, once-a-month, but if I wanted to come 2x, then I would literally just pay the same, discounted price for my additional massage. If I don't get to come in, my massage for that month can get rolled over, or if I want, I can let my "additional user/guest" have it.